Updated: Jun 23
Hey, girl hey! In September 2019, I had the pleasure of being featured in an anthology featuring my lovely pen sisters of B. Love Publications titled "To Say, I Love You."
"The ladies of B. Love Publications have come together for a short story anthology that revolves around those three words that almost every human being wants to hear – I Love You. Some stories will make you laugh, some will make you cry, and others will make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Whatever your preference, the ladies of BLP have created a uniquely blended collection of stories that will speak to your heart and mind, entertaining you at the same time."
My story was about a young couple named Lawson and Britton. Honestly, when I began their story I didn't know what to expect. If you've read anything of mine you know to expect some drama in the midst of all the love, but I wanted to do things differently to keep up with the theme. So, while they have a bit of some back and forth, it's nothing too serious (and that's in the name of love lol.)
Now that I've gotten that out the way, their complete story is down below. Grab a little snacky snack and happy reading :).
A smile graced Britton’s face as she briskly made her way towards the Mercedes Benz parked outside of her job. The luxury vehicle wasn’t the reason for her excitement. It was the lunch date she was about to embark on with her boyfriend, Lawson. He was leaned against the passenger side door, dressed dapperly in a navy blue colored suit and plum tie, as he patiently waited on her.
Britton’s joy was heightened as she admired the way his muscular physique filled out the tailored suit. She’d picked it out, knowing the navy and plum combination would not only complement one another, but his deeply bronzed skin as well. Standing at a towering 6’3 and possessing brown eyes warm as the sun, he was a perfect specimen. His lips were peeled apart, revealing a set of teeth that easily would’ve landed him a job with Colgate had his career in business ever fallen through.
Mmm, mmm, mmm! she thought.
Once she was close enough, Lawson was first greeting her with a peck on the lips and ultimately helping her climb inside of his spacious vehicle. He even made sure he was able to smack her on the ass in the process. Britton giggled as she always did, absolutely smitten with him and his way of showing affection.
“You look beautiful as hell, like always.” He complimented.
“Thank you, baby.”
Lawson’s tongue glided across his full bottom lip before tucking it between his teeth. The sight beside him was one too perfect for words. It was too perfect to touch but that wasn’t enough to stop him. After all, he’d never been one to shy away from anything.
Being sure his eyes remained focus on the road before him, Lawson allowed for his free hand to rest on Britton’s exposed thigh. The olive green tube skirt had risen, giving him more than an eye full of her smooth, tawny skin. Britton’s eyeballs rolled into the back of her head but from the smile she’d unsuccessfully hid, he knew she wasn’t upset.
“I thought we were going to lunch?”
“We are. Just need you to remember there’s an entire meal between your thighs.”
Her face reddened as she shook her head. Lawson was going to say what he wanted, how he wanted, when he wanted. It was one of her favorite things about him. He was himself unapologetically and in return, he’d encouraged her to be the same. Their relationship wasn’t even a year old, yet, she knew she had something special in him.
He was a little rough around the edges and in expecting her to be like the other girls he’d dated, they barely made it this far. She’d spent much time stressing to him she wasn’t a girl willing to bend over to please him. She was a woman who knew what she wanted and above anything else, she wanted to be respected for her mind. And a beautiful mind it was.
Britton was a confident, strong and driven woman as she was stunning. She wasn’t into playing games, unnecessary back and forth or any of that. Games weren’t her thing and he learned it early on when pursuing her. She wasn’t impressed with his money. Not when she had her own. She wasn’t impressed with the lines he tried giving. Not when she’d heard them all before. Lawson had to step outside of the box. He had to open up. More importantly, he had to be vulnerable.
He’d never had a woman to not only have high standards but to push him out of his comfort zone. It started with him just wanting a relationship, but that attitude was one he now carried in his day to day life. Lawson just couldn’t get enough of Britton. He was always a sucker for a fat ass and a pretty smile. She possessed both as did a majority of the women he dealt with. What made her so different and actually kept him around was everything else. It was something deeper than the physical. Her heart was golden and her soul was powerful. That was always the first thought that came to mind when thinking of her. He had truly gotten lucky in even getting a shot with her and with it being a success, he had no intention of ever letting go.
“Ooh, Benihana.” She squealed.
“Figured we could switch it up a bit.”
Whenever the couple would spend their lunch breaks together, they’d opt for something more casual. While they had every intention of enjoying their respective meals, they also wanted to be sure the other was having a good day. If not, the opportunity was available for words of reassurance. Lawson was the type to take charge. He’d never ask what she was doing, what she wanted to do or anything. He’d instead provide her with instructions to be ready and allow him to handle the rest. With Britton having that same personality, it was a power struggle in the beginning. However, she was now following the age-old saying and allowing her man to be a man. It was new but worked well for them both. Neither had been happier.
“Lunch with my man and a show? I feel so special.”
“Because you are. Special and worth it.”
They walked hand in hand towards the restaurant, Lawson bringing hers towards his mouth for a kiss. He would’ve done anything to maintain the smile on her face. If that meant to be soft as puddy for her he would.
“You keep treating me like this, I might have something for you tonight.” She stated, winking an eye.
“Keep on walking like that and I’m fo sho gonna have something for you, too.”
“Is that all you think about?”
“Don’t try to play me. You know that I think about a future with you and shit. That future just happens to include-“
“I don’t even want to know.” She giggled.
Lawson was definitely blunt with his words and already knowing his comment would result in flushed cheeks, she opted to stop him while she could. Of course, she saw a future with Lawson. However, she didn’t think about it too much. Not while she was able to enjoy every moment in their now.
Lawson’s leg bounced up and down, heart-thumping rapidly as he concentrated on the basketball game being played. The crowd behind him cheered loudly, rooting for the team of their choice while he hoped and prayed that the Dallas Mavericks didn’t let him down before halftime. Every bounce of the ball and the sneakers squeaking on the ground could be heard as the players ran up and down the court. Having floor side seats was a blessing and a curse. He was catching everything up close and personal. So, while he was able to enjoy the shots being made, he also had to witness the many foul balls, blocks and other interferences that prevented points from being made.
Britton placed her hand on his knee, lightly squeezing it so that he’d calm down. She wasn’t the biggest sports fan but was able to keep up with what was happening. With the clock ticking and the Mavericks down by 12 points, Lawson was on edge. Many nights, he’d be watching the sport, screaming and shouting at the television as his favorite team effortlessly won. Figuring he’d enjoy seeing it in real time is why she even got him the gift. Had she known they would’ve not been playing their best, she would’ve reconsidered.
While she was bored out of her mind, she could admit that everyone else around her made it hard to not at least cheer things on. That and being able to spend the time with Lawson made it a bit more bearable. She honestly expected he would’ve taken one of his friends in her place and was flattered he instead wanted to hang out with her, knowing how she felt.
“Dammit!” He yelled, tossing his hands up in frustration as the buzzer rang.
“Calm down, baby. You know they aren’t about to let anybody beat that ass on their home court.”
She had no idea how true that was but had hoped it would provide him the comfort he needed in this time.
“They better not, man. Got a nigga stressed out.”
Lawson stood to his feet, extending a hand to help pull Britton from her seat. He was needing both something to snack on as well as another beer to carry him through until halftime was over. With the empty glass of wine in Britton’s cup holder, he knew she was at least needing another drink.
“I’m good, baby.” She smiled.
“You sure? Not even something to eat?”
“You can get whatever. You know I’ll eat it.”
Confirming his understanding with a nod of his head, he kissed her lips before heading towards the VIP Club that had plenty of food and drink options for him to chose from. Britton sat, smile still intact as she watched him walk off. His bowlegged stride not only had her attention but a few other women as well. Even from the stands, they tried their luck at speaking, as if they didn’t know he was already with someone. She didn’t even have to worry about Lawson in that way, but still kept an eye on him, enjoying the way he ignored them, all the while acknowledging to her that he knew what he had. Once he was far enough out of her view, she retrieved her iPhone out of her purse. Between Facebook and Instagram, she knew there would be something to set her eyes on until he returned.
While on the latter of the 2 apps, the first image she had the pleasure of viewing was one of her and Lawson that he’d posted. It was taken moments before the game started by a stranger who was kind enough to aid the couple in creating a memorable evening. The caption wasn’t romantic in the slightest, but it was still enough that a few of his friends were in the comments teasing him for it. The others were there to add some balance, reminding him how good she was for him. Though she already knew it, she didn’t mind the comments. She wouldn’t toot her own horn and say she was the best thing to happen in his life, despite it being the truth.
By the time Lawson was returning to her, the halftime performance had come to an end and the remaining half of the game was moments from starting. Britton stole the occasional fry from his chicken tender basket while they sat in silence. The noise from the arena was so loud that it resulted in them screaming at one another despite being sitting side by side. They assumed that naturally, everyone was curious to see how the game would end. However, feeling a set of hands on his shoulders, giving him a light shake had him realizing the real reason everyone had grown rowdy. He looked up to see that he and Britton were on the Jumbotron screen, surrounded by a border of hearts.
Lawson chuckled, using an elbow to lightly nudge her. She was still oblivious to the fact everyone was waiting for a kiss, not knowing that they were about to get more than the cute peck they were expecting. Britton was giggling like a schoolgirl as she placed her fingertips under Lawson’s chin to pull him closer. Without a second thought, their lips were locked together, tongues entering the other’s mouth as they made out. A few gasps were heard and she knew that somewhere in the arena, there was a woman clutching her pearls while another was possibly shielding her small child’s innocent eyes from the sloppy kiss.
Only when she moaned softly were they able to pull away from one another. Britton with a smile on her face, stared straight ahead, watching as the players returned to the court as she thought about the way Lawson was about to break her back in once the game wrapped up. Lawson, on the other hand, shifted around in his seat with hopes that his hardening dick would behave long enough for him to make it until the end. They’d been together so long that Britton knew just how to get a rise out of him. He would never complain about it, even in a time like this.
The game continued on and by the time it came to an end they were both ready to leave. The Mavericks came back from losing and not only won but dusted the visiting team to the point it seemed unbelievable they were previously so far behind. While the majority of the attendants were either going home or to celebrate, Britton and Lawson planned on doing both. Even before Britton presented him with the tickets, he had every intention of spending the evening with her. Because of it, he had a bottle of Hennessy waiting on them back at his place.
Their eagerness, however, was seemingly working against them. In his desperation to see the final shot being made, it didn’t dawn on him that they should’ve left a bit early which resulted in them having to sit in the same spot for minutes on end. Lawson was going completely stir crazy, wanting nothing more than for the cars to start moving, even if it were by just an inch. The traffic was so bad, that he found himself having to put the car in park. Frustrated wasn’t the word, but it was certainly a good place to start.
Sensing how antsy he’d gotten, Britton extended her left hand out, massaging the back of his neck. Though the tension was gradually leaving his body, she knew he was still stressed out. No one liked having to deal with this sort of inconvenience, herself included. With nothing but time on their hands, she knew just how to help him blow off some pressure. If even just a little. Both of her hands traveled down until they landed in his lap.
She was winking at the raised brow he’d given. A result of the way her hands massaged his dick through the fabric of his jeans. Britton had barely even gotten started, yet, he felt his dick hardening, doing its best to break through. Granting his wish, she unzipped his pants, freeing his dick from the confines of his boxers. Her mouth watered as she took in the sight before her. It only seemed to grow in size as she worked it in her hands, stroking it slowly. Lawson’s eyes closed, faint groans escaping his mouth from the sensation. Once she was sure he couldn’t take any more of the teasing, Britton’s head was disappearing below the dashboard, into his lap, as she slapped the tip against her tongue.
“Stop playing with it.”
The request was more of a plea. He knew she was enjoying herself, especially when she started to laugh. With his dick literally in her hands, he was at her mercy. That meant he’d have to go with the flow. No matter how much it was killing him. No matter how much the sucking of the tip and simultaneous massaging of his balls was killing him. Lawson had never been a minute man, but each time Britton touched him, he struggled to control himself. She preferred taking her time being sure that the pleasure was heightened for him. Being sure that he was fully satisfied. He appreciated it and her. He appreciated that sex, though a physical act, could be intimate as well.
Only when she could taste precum did she finally take him whole. Relaxing her throat, Britton’s head bobbed up and down, the length of his shaft. Lawson leaned against the headrest, being sure he kept a hand on the steering wheel. It wasn’t long before he’d completely forgotten about focusing on the traffic. Not with the way Britton’s soft moans began filling the air. He wasn’t even touching her, yet, the pleasure she was giving him was enough.
“Shit.” He hissed.
Britton’s mouth continued slurping and sucking while her hands squeezed and massaged at his balls. At the rate she was going, he’d be unable to drive. He’d end up pulling over, hoisting her dress up so that he could bury his dick in her fleshy folds, not giving a damn who saw them. Neither would she. Her confidence came with a certain boldness. It came with a poise, that provided her a carefree nature. She didn’t care what anyone had to say about her life or the choices she made. Lawson found it sexy and couldn’t get enough of it or the wild shit they’d do because of it.
Unable to further hold himself back, he placed a hand on the back of her head, drilling his dick in and out of her mouth. The slurping noises grew louder as she began gagging on his dick. Lawson grunted loudly, shooting his load in her eager and waiting mouth. His body shook as he tried catching his breath. Britton didn’t come back up until she was sure she’d caught every drop and once she had, she was using the back of her hand to clean her mouth.
“So damn nasty, girl.”
Instead of a response, Britton offered up a smirk. One that Lawson knew all too well. She was about to debunk whatever comment it was that he’d made. In this particular situation, she did so by leaning her body against the passenger side door. Being cooped up in a small space didn’t stop her. It actually motivated her and with some maneuvering, she was able to spread her legs wide enough, having the right rested against the glove compartment.
She wanted him to have a full view of what his own pleasure had done to her body and when she lifted her dress, revealing the baby blue underwear he had an eyeful. As his own head had done moments ago, Britton’s fell back against the glass while she lightly massaged the wet spot in her panties. Lawson, after turning on the hazard lights, reached out, using his hands in place of hers to finish what she’d started. Neither had no idea how much longer they’d be forced to wait but had every intention on making the best out of the extra time.
There was something in the air. Or, it could’ve been the alcohol. Whatever the case might have been, Lawson couldn’t seem to get enough of Britton. It had always been that way, but never at the current level. They couldn’t keep their hands off one another and when they returned to his home, it only seemed to intensify. For every article of clothing he removed on the way to his bedroom, she did the same. It continued until they were both naked as the day they were born. His body collapsed on hers as they laid entangled in the king-sized bed, tongues wrestling.
Lawson wished it were possible to stay in that very moment. Not because he was about to get his dick wet. Not because he’d gotten head in his Benz. It was because of Britton. He felt whole with her. He felt complete. She did something to him that he’d never felt which made it difficult to explain. It never stopped him from trying, though. He kissed down her neck to her breasts, tongue circling her nipples as his thumb toyed with her clit. Britton shuddered from his touch, still a bit tender from the way he’d played with her body in the car but it didn’t deter him. It just reminded him to be gentle.
He wasn’t an affectionate man. Not until he’d met Britton. Being raised with just his father made it that way. Words of positivity weren’t spoken, wellness checks weren’t offered and there for sure weren’t hugs. It wasn’t manly and that’s what his dad raised him to be. A hard man with a wall up. But Britton? She’d knocked it down with ease. He was the best version of himself with her and didn’t want to lose it.
His lips traveled down, kissing inside her legs before his tongue slid inside her. Britton squealed from the way his tongue slowly massaged her walls. She rotated her hips, squeezing her breasts as she cried out.
“Ooh my, God, baby.”
Her cries fueled him, burying his face further as his tongue went deeper. He wasn’t a hugger, a toucher or any of that. Yet, he did so for Britton. He wasn’t even a kisser, let alone with tongue, but his had been in nearly every hole on her body. She was clearly special to him and while his words might have failed him, his actions spoke for him. With his tongue still licking around, spelling out his feelings, his thumb continued rubbing her clit, as it swelled.
“Law, you’re going to make me cum.” She moaned.
Not the first time and damn sure won’t be the last. He thought.
Placing his free hand on her waist, he held her body in place. She shook softly at first, ultimately spasming as Lawson brought her body to an orgasmic release. Knowing how spent she was, he allowed her a moment to catch her breath. A moment to get comfortable because once he was in, there was no stopping. Once he was sure she was ready, Lawson had his mushroom head at her opening. For every inch he got in, they cried out in unison. They felt good together and had a natural rhythm that came easily. Britton’s eyes closed as he pumped inside of her, wrapping a hand around her neck.
“Nobody makes me feel like you. I fucking swear.” He groaned.
“I love you!”
Everything froze from the comment as her eyes flew open. Britton could even hear a disc scratching in the background. It was the first time she’d said the words to him. To any man she’s dated, actually. It had her blindsided. Him as well. Lawson knew that her professing her feelings was merely a slip of the tongue. One that stemmed from the moment being had. They looked at one another and when he finally leaned down to kiss her, she smiled, heart-swelling as she waiting to hear the words be spoken back.
As if nothing happened, Lawson went back to stroking her. Unlike before when her eyes were rolling into the back of her head and she was matching his thrusts, Britton was unable to come back to him. To come back from the millions of thoughts she now had. She might not have meant to speak the three words, but it wasn’t a lie. She did love Lawson and had for a while. What did she get in return for expressing herself? Me too.
What the hell did that even mean. She pondered.
She wasn’t left with too much time to dwell. Not when Lawson’s pace increased. Hers did as well. Britton had never felt such betrayal as her body gave in. She wondered if Lawson knew what was on her mind and just wanted to distract her. If so, it worked because seconds later, she was spreading her legs as wide as she could to take every inch of dick he was giving her. Within minutes, they were exploding together, holding onto one another while gaining control of their breathing.
“Don’t leave me, girl.”
Britton’s eyes watered from the request. Never had there been a time where she questioned their relationship or even him. Now, she just wasn’t sure. Before Lawson was able to wrap his arms around her, pulling her close so that they could get some sleep, she was sitting herself up. He didn’t follow her to the bathroom or even when she exited the bedroom all together. She was still naked, so he figured she wasn’t going too far.
He closed his eyes, waiting on her return. Thinking about the 3 small words she’d said. On a single hand, he could count the number of times someone had said it to him. Coming from Britton was different. It meant much more than before because he felt the same. He appreciated how their relationship was. He appreciated the pace. Most of all, he appreciated her patience.
His relationships prior had failed for the same reasons. His exes grew tired and lost hope that he’d open up his heart to them. It wasn’t his intention of being closed off and it was something he didn’t even realize until Britton came along. The thing about her was they came from a similar upbringing. She wasn’t showered in love but instead of it having the effect it did on Lawson, hers was the opposite. She expressed herself to those she cared for as often as she could. Be it physically or in this case, verbally.
Having several minutes pass without so much as a footstep being heard, Lawson was confused. He was almost positive that Britton hadn’t just left without a goodbye or her clothing, but remembering that in their rush to get to his room that the items were thrown all around the lower half of his home, he finally got out of bed. His heart was pounding rapidly as he rushed down the stairs, relief only coming to him when he could faintly hear the television playing in the living room.
“I thought you snuck out of here.” He admitted.
“No. I got thirsty and ended up finding an old movie to watch.”
The bottles of water and Gatorade confirmed her story, but something was off with her. He just wasn’t sure what.
“You up for some company?”
She smiled at him, nodding her head up and down. While he excused himself to grab some covers from the closet, Britton took the balled up Kleenex hidden in her hand to catch the remaining tears she still had. By the time Lawson had returned, she was smiling, acting as if she were merely getting rid of a few boogers. She was unsure of what to say but was hopeful the words would come to her. She couldn’t help but feel as if his response should’ve been good enough, but in her heart, she knew that it wasn’t. Britton had never settled when something wasn’t right and knew that this would be no different. The thing that had her so conflicted was fear of rejection.
Lawson was laying his body on hers and with some repositioning, they were both able to find comfort on his sofa. His lips were on hers, kissing her deeply. She’d expected that he was trying to be intimate again, but he wasn’t. While she’d yet to say anything, he knew that she was upset and wouldn’t make things worse by trying to pacify her with sex.
“I love everything that there is to love about your ass and you make me the happiest nigga alive, Britton. Straight up.”
Britton allowed for a smile to remain on her face as she wrapped her arms around him. She knew what he was doing and was glad that he’d offered up some sort of compromise. Unfortunately, he’d already expressed that very sentiment to her so it wasn’t the special moment she was hoping for. It actually added to the thoughts already weighing her down. For now, she’d accept his words, only because she knew them to be true.
Checking his phone for what had to have been the dozenth time that day, Lawson shook his head from the lack of notifications. Before his eyes were open good, he texted Britton to check on her. As he’d done the night prior. The one before that too. He hadn’t seen her in a few days. Not since… The incident. It was unusual and had she not sent the delayed and occasional text back, he would’ve been concerned something was wrong. He already had the assumption, but to at least know she was alive was something. It just wasn’t enough. He missed her face. He missed her. They’d been joined at the hip for so long that it felt strange having gone so long without being near her. Lawson didn’t know what to make of things. If something were wrong, she never hesitated in expressing it. She never hid a thing from him, but ever since… Britton had just been acting differently. He understood she was a bit embarrassed from the slip-up but she had no reason to be. It wasn’t like he felt nothing for her, he just made the decision to not repeat it in the way she had. Was that a crime?
Britton, what’s up with you? You got me worried as fuck.
He hated double texting, essentially begging her to speak with him. Lawson should have been hard at work, preparing for a meeting but he couldn’t focus on a thing.
“You alright in here, man?”
Lawson’s head shot up hearing his friend, Rome, speak. The question was one he’d been asked the past few days. He wasn’t alright and it was evident that something was off. Be it the way he walked or even spoke, his spirit wasn’t right. It was unsettled. He couldn’t seem to function properly without Britton. He didn’t know if they were fighting, if she just needed space or what.
“What do you think?”
“I think you need to do more than text if she’s got you tripping like this. What did you even do? I thought y’all were good.”
“We are. Were. Shit, I don’t know.”
Lawson shook his head, wondering if he were wanting to seek advice or not. He’d never been one to share the details of his romantic relationships. Then again, none were this important to him.
“I didn’t do anything, per se.” He started.
“She told me some shit and I guess I didn’t say the right thing back?”
“What could you have possibly said that’s got her dodging you like this?”
The question made Lawson wonder if he were better off having acted as if he didn’t hear Britton that night. That certainly wouldn’t have worked too well either because he froze up just like she did.
“She told me she loved me and I said me too.”
“What am I missing? She’s upset you feel the same?”
“She’s upset that I said me too.”
“Damn,” Rome said, shaking his head.
“Damn? That’s all you have to say?”
Rome hadn’t done anything but Lawson already being frustrated didn’t appreciate the response. He was all but forced to share the intimate details of his life and at the very least wanted some useful advice.
“I’m just confused, Lawson. You love her ass don’t you?”
Lawson’s shoulders went up and down from the question. He didn’t understand why everyone wanted to attach words to the way he felt. What was understood didn’t need to be explained and that had been working for him and Britton. Now, it was changing and he hated it.
“I don’t know if you’re fronting for my benefit or yours, but you know you love that girl. Shit, maybe she threw you off guard by saying it but you feel the same or you wouldn’t even be sweating her right now.”
“Yeah, but I’m not getting why my actions just aren’t enough anymore.”
“Did she tell you they weren’t?”
“Na, but why the fuck would she say some shit like that to me?”
Rome chuckled at the question as well as the way Lawson’s face scrunched up. He was genuinely confused by one of life’s most innocent comments. She’d literally expressed how much she cared for him, yet, Lawson was acting as if he were repulsed.
“Women are emotional creatures. They hate admitting it but that’s just the way God made them. Their emotions fuel everything and it’s not some shit they can control. You’re acting like she said that shit to hurt you when it’s the opposite. Nobody fucks with you like Britton, and at the end of the day, she put herself out there just for you to not catch her when she fell. That’s why she ghosted your ass.”
Lawson hated how much sense it made coming from someone else. He hated that Rome was right and he was wrong. More than anything, he hated that he hurt Britton behind 3 lousy words. Just thinking about what was to come along with them left him feeling uneasy. He knew Britton was meant to be in his future, but thinking of specific details was unnerving. The way things had been going was perfect. Why did she want to change it?
Knowing the conversation was over, Rome reminded Lawson about their meeting that was minutes away. He left his friend alone to get ready, but as he was before, Lawson was stuck. He checked his phone, seeing Britton had read the message. She just opted to not respond. He wondered if she were thinking about him the way he was her. Instead of sending off another text that would go unanswered, he picked up his phone, giving her office a call.
The phone inside of Richards & Associates rang twice before the secretary, Paige answered. Her voice was cheerful and with her fingers hovering over the keyboard, she was ready to take down whatever message was on the other end of the line.
“Thank you for calling Richards & Associates. This is Paige speaking, how can I help you?”
“Paige? It’s Lawson. Where’s Britton?”
“Lawson! Hi. Britton is umm…”
Her eyes quickly darted to the right, just in time to see Britton vigorously shaking her head from side to side. Paige, frowned from the signal, knowing she was again going to have to come up with some sort of an excuse about why she couldn’t come to the phone.
“You know what Lawson, she is actually in a meeting.”
“Another one?!” He exclaimed. “Look, Paige just..” he sighed in the phone, resulting in Paige to look at Britton with downturned eyes. She was clueless about what was going on but hated being stuck in the middle. “Just tell her I’m sorry. Can you do that for me.”
“Yes. I’ll be sure she gets the message.”
The dial tone was in her ear before she could get another word out. She shook her head at Britton, watching the way her shoulders relaxed. Britton went back to looking at the files in her hands but was unable to focus with Paige’s judgmental stare.
“Can I help you with something, Paige?”
“For starters, why have I lied to Lawson about what you’re doing? That was the third time this week.”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Britton stated.
Paige was her personal secretary and she had no desire to mix their business relationship with personal details. They knew the basics about one another such as relationship status, family life and other surface information but it stopped there. Britton was sure Paige meant no harm and wasn’t trying to meddle, but she just couldn’t go there. Even with her closet friends, she hadn’t shared what happened. How her seemingly perfect relationship had taken such a drastic turn.
“Fine. Don’t tell me. Whatever it is, I hope y’all can get through it. Lawson loves him some Britton.” She giggled.
If only Paige knew how hard Britton was questioning that. His actions were those of a man in love but sometimes that just wasn’t enough. She hated avoiding him but was unsure of what to do. She was afraid that the next conversation would be one where they’d end things which wasn’t what she wanted. She just wanted to know that she wasn’t alone in how she felt.
Her phone vibrated loudly inside of her purse. She’d made the mistake of reading the messages but not responding. It wasn’t that she didn’t miss Lawson or didn’t want to speak with him. It was the complete opposite. Her days weren’t the same and it had only been a few since she’d been avoiding him. Britton was thankful he hadn’t given up on her or stopped trying. She just needed to get her thoughts together.
She retrieved the phone, looking over the latest message he sent.
I have a meeting. A real one. But I’m trying to see you when I finish up. I don’t know what I said… or didn’t but I’m sorry. You know what it is with us, you know I’m all in and you know how good you make a nigga feel. Can we just talk about this shit?
Britton sighed loudly, massaging her temples. She knew she couldn’t just ignore him forever. It was a wonder he’d allowed it to go on this long without popping up on her. She was trying to prolong what she feared to be an inevitable end but had to admit how unfair she was being. Because her feelings were hurt, she wasn’t allowing him a chance to speak or try explaining a thing. It was unlike her and she knew that it wasn’t right.
I’d really like that. Is tonight good with you?
The sooner the better.
Britton returned the phone to her purse, hoping to be able to focus a bit better. Even without looking at her, she knew Paige had a smile on her face. It made her feel good that even without her knowing the intimate details of her relationship she could at the very least see Lawson cared. She even said he loved her, even though those words weren’t spoken by him. Britton was hopeful that he was just off guard by everything and that tonight, he would speak up and make himself clear.
“I missed your ass. Don’t be disappearing on me like that, alright?”
Britton smiled at Lawson, nodding her head up and down. Even with so much tension in the air, he was able to make her heart flutter with ease.
“I missed you too.” She admitted.
She hated having to do so but it was the truth. Lawson freed her from his embrace as she allowed him access to her home. Britton left him standing there as she headed towards the living room so they could take a seat, but he was quickly pulling her back towards him. These had been the longest days of his life and he felt as if he had too much time to make up for. In his arms, she led the way. Her body was melting into his the tighter he held on.
It was the most complete he’d been in days and he didn’t want the feeling to pass. Even when it came time for them to sit down, he was pulling her into his lap. Britton was sure to face him as she straddled his waist. Her intention was for him to see the seriousness about the conversation needing to be had but one look in his eyes and she was complete mush.
Britton knew how hard the last few days without him had been on her. As she looked at him, taking in the bloodshot eyes, and the unkempt hair she knew it had been hell for him as well.
“Have you been sleeping?” She asked.
Her head tilted to the side from his admission. All it did was confirm what she knew. That he liked her. At most cared. But how much? It seemed so small given everything but she just needed to be absolutely sure.
Lawson was there for it yet, felt as if he didn’t have all of the facts. It seemed like he missed something and was desperate to know what it was. Desperate to fix it and make things right. Britton’s eyes watered from the question as she did her best to shrug it off. She wanted nothing more than to ask him the burning question in her mind but was afraid of his answer.
She could remember before Lawson, not being sad or even hurt. Merely content. Life was good for her and she had not a single reason to complain. When Lawson came around, he gave her what she was missing. He gave her the laughter her soul needed as well as the reassurance of how amazing she truly was. He made her heart full and flutter with glee and in an instant, it changed.
“Talk to me, Britton. We’re better than this.”
Unable to utter a word, she allowed her tears to fall. Be it with his thumbs or ultimately his lips as he kissed them away, Lawson was quick in drying the moisture. He was confused. Seeing her hurt was in turn, hurting him as well. He was crazy about Britton and hated that she was doubting it behind words. His lips found hers as he kissed her. It wasn’t him trying to pacify her with some affection. He was instead hoping the passion he felt would travel through so she could feel it herself.
“You know how much I fuck with you. And I’m clearly no good without you. Nobody’s made me feel like you do and I don’t know what’s got you doubting that shit. I put you above everything, make sure you’re good in every aspect and keep a smile on your face. Nothing has to change.”
“I’m not asking for that.”
“Do you love me?”
Lawson’s heart plummeted from the question. He stared into her eyes, taking in all the hope they held that he wouldn’t disappoint her. Not again. Not when she was in his lap crying, all but begging for him to say it.
Breathing didn’t come easier. Britton smiled, blinking back tears. This answer hurt her worse than the first. He was breaking her heart and didn’t seem to understand it. He didn’t seem to understand her as well as she thought.
“This isn’t having my back, being there or anything. And I knew how you were when we met but I didn’t think you’d ever hurt me, Lawson.”
“If you can’t say it, even to me, then you don’t really feel it. Because we tell each other everything. Without fear of rejection, humiliation or anything else. That’s how close we are. So yeah, I question how you feel. Because you tell me I’m perfect, worth it and everything else. No hesitation. Now that I ask you something that matters, you won’t make a peep. I put myself out there and no it wasn’t intentional but you were nowhere around to tell me I wasn’t by myself. I’m not asking you to change a thing or even yourself. Why do you expect me to just accept what I’m not asking for? There’s nothing wrong with what I told you and I’m not going to act like there is.”
Britton was out of his lap and on her feet. When she walked away he didn’t bother stopping her. There was finality in her tone and her words. The conversation was over and nothing had been solved. They were struggling to find a middle ground to just compromise. Britton was afraid her feelings were unmatched while Lawson was afraid that sharing his would change everything.
The very foundation of their relationship had everything to do with actions. By taking it up a notch, he feared she would’ve wanted marriage and children. Not that he thought she wouldn’t make a good wife. Or even an amazing mother. She’d be good at both. She was patient and kind. She was nurturing and had given life a new meaning for him. She gave it purpose and direction.
He saw a future with Britton but until that moment he didn’t know what that entailed. Now, it was clear. If he couldn’t sleep without her near what made him think he could spend the rest of his life without her. Another night without her? It was torture. He felt like he was missing the best part of him and in a way he was. There was still so much for him to do and he wanted to experience it all with her. He wanted to share it with her as well as his heart. He loved Britton. No doubt about it. Instead of saying such, he assumed and feared for the worst. Lawson had never had someone in his life care the way she did. To love him, unconditionally. Yet, he was being foolish and stubborn, refusing to let her know that it was not only appreciated but reciprocated.
I love her. He muttered.
He wasn’t sure how much time had passed nor did he care. As he should’ve done before, Lawson stood to his feet, intending to join Britton. Intending to give her what she wanted, being sure that he was heard as well. Entering her bedroom, he didn’t immediately see her. She was buried beneath the comforter, forming a ball. He’d snatched it off as her hands quickly went to cover her nude body. She slept naked. It was one reason they hardly got any rest when they spent the night together. But this time was going to be different. Lawson was going to be sure of it.
Britton accepting the covers from his hands, watched as he stripped out of his clothing. The same suit he’d undoubtedly worn to work, kept on when he arrived and even stayed, unbeknownst to her. She hadn’t heard her door opening and closing but she certainly didn’t think he stuck around all this time. He was willing to make things work which made her heartbeat increase. It also had her wishing she would’ve reached out to a friend beforehand. Knowing that it would’ve immediately turned into a bash Lawson session, she opted not to. He’d hurt her but she still loved him. Apparently, too much.
Lawson, still on his feet, pulled her body towards his. The gentle grabbing alone had her core beginning to pulsate. Still, she needed to be strong. She had to. No matter how intensely he was looking at her. No matter the desire she saw in his eyes, she couldn’t spread her legs. Not if she wanted to be taken serious.
They were both naked, bodies on fire wishing they could just be entangled. It was hard for him to focus, but Lawson was determined to try recreating a moment that he’d ruined for her. Even if it weren’t the exact same.
“I’m not trying to marry your ass tomorrow or nothing but a nigga still has love for you.”
Britton’s eyes narrowing, brows raising might have told him she wasn’t impressed in the slightest, but actually hearing it and having the comment be repeated in his mind made him cringe.
“That sounded bad. I didn’t mean it like that. I meant.. I just.”
He was stammering, tripping over his words. His confidence had been shot and he was struggling to repair it. Britton’s expression softened, letting him know she wasn’t completely outdone. He still had an opportunity to get it right and was grateful.
“I love… You.”
Britton rolled her eyes, trying to free her ankles from his hold. He only tightened his grip, keeping her in place. Her chest bounced up and down and even in the darkness, he could see the moisture in her eyes. Wondering if this was some sort of cruel joke. If he were mocking her and her feelings. That wasn’t the case, despite the way he was wincing.
“I love you, Britton.” He sighed. “So damn much.”
With her eyes still piercing through him he could feel his dick as well as what was left of his ego deflating. His head hung low as he released her, opting to take a seat beside her.
“I’m too late, huh? I always fuck some shit up being stubborn.” He muttered, not caring if she heard or not. “The best thing to ever happen to my dumb ass too.”
Lawson chuckled as his head shook from side to side. He laid back, placing his hands over his face as he allowed the realization to settle in. He could feel Britton pulling at him, figuring she was telling him to leave. He refused to look at her but when she had his dick in her hands, rubbing it against her wet slit, his eyes were flying open. Britton was hovering over him, solely focused on bringing life back to his member.
“Almost missed out.” She moaned, slowly sliding down his dick.
His hands reached out for her waist, helping her down as he felt himself growing inside her. Britton’s head fell back as she bounced herself up and down. Her soft moans were filling the room as Lawson matched her pace, grinding inside her.
“Fuck.” He groaned.
Lawson sat himself up, wrapping his arms around her waist. His lips smashed into hers, tongue invading her mouth as she continued riding him. Her hips rotated in a circular motion as her arms were quickly thrown around his neck. Their sweaty bodies nearly became one the tighter they embraced as well as the perfectly matched rhythm. Britton’s pleasured moans grew louder ultimately turning into whimpers. She shuddered from the spasms rippling throughout her entire being, unable to contain herself.
“Baby, it feels so good.” She cried out, exploding on his dick.
Her juices leaked out as her body grew weaker each thrust Lawson gave. The way he could feel her nectar running down his shaft, to his balls and even his thighs had him going crazy.
“Damn, girl. I love you.” He grunted.
He couldn’t stop pumping in her or control the animalistic sounds escaping his mouth. His head rested against her breasts, eyes closed as he felt himself lose control. Feeling the similar sensation that had Britton blurting out how much she loved him.
“I fucking love you.” He repeated, no longer caring about the pitch of his voice. “I love you, man.”
He groaned loudly, shooting every drop of his cum inside of her. He was afraid to move, fearing his soul might have left his body. Fearing that Britton’s tender head rubs were a set up before she clowned him. He’d felt as if he’d given all of himself to her at this point. She had his dick and his heart, though they’d both always belonged to her.
“I love you, Britton.”
His lips grazed her neck, producing a moan. She giggled, holding his face in her hands. She loved him too but figured it wouldn’t hurt to poke a little fun at him either.
The frown on his face was one she wished could’ve been captured on camera. It was that of a child being punished which is exactly what she was doing. He took them both through days of emotional torment all because he was being prideful. Afraid to admit that any woman had him feeling something real.
“Why’d you do me like that?” She pouted. “Had me crying and thinking you didn’t love me.”
“I’m a fucking idiot. I’m sorry.”
Britton laughed, shaking her head at him. He kissed her rolling her over so that she was on her back. Her face reddened, eyes rolled slowly into the back of her head as she felt his dick hardening up again.
“Trying to be cute and shit, talking about me too.” He teased. “Now, I’m gonna have to wear that ass out.”
“You know I fuck with you. The long way.”
“Britton, quit playing with me.”
She gasped as he pulled her all the way down his dick. Her eyes widened as she squirmed around beneath him.
“I love you.” She breathed. “So much, Lawson.”
“I love you, too.”
Britton continued rotating her hips until she found comfort in Lawson’s girth. He was stretching her out but it felt so good, she couldn’t complain. Not when he gave her what she wanted. For every kiss, neck bite, and thrust he was clarifying his love. Vocally. He was like a small child who’d heard their first swear word and wanted to hear themselves speaking. She was sure to do the same until neither could speak. Neither could hold back and the words he was so afraid to speak had her body reacting to him differently. She was wetter than ever before and welcoming him in further than he’d ever been. It was to the point he could feel their souls merging into one. With the future he saw them having, he didn’t want it any other way.
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